Belfast Model
School for Girls

The process of separation can be a difficult time for families as both parents and children learn how to adapt to new circumstances. For teenagers separation means the loss of a parent living in the home, and the loss of life, as they knew it. Following parents separation it is natural for young people to experience a range of emotions, including anxiety, sadness, anger and confusion. Some teenagers will try to avoid thinking about the separation, feel embarrassed about their parents getting separated or adopt an 'I don't care' attitude. Other young people can become angry with the parent blamed for causing the separation or behave in an aggressive or challenging manner. It is also natural for teenagers to experience anxiety about one parent leaving the family home. Young people suffering from anxiety often become demanding or clingy, and they may pull back from pre-existing friendships with their peers. During times of change and uncertainty it is helpful to maintain as normal a family routine as possible and to maintain relationships with extended family members and friends. It is helpful for parents to keep the school informed on changes in their child's family life.

Many teenagers will find it hard to talk about separation and will express their emotions through their behaviour. It is helpful for parents to encourage their children to talk about feelings and explain that it is completely normal to feel sad, angry or confused about the changes in their family life. It is also normal for the teenager to want to have an input into when and where they spend time with the parent who has moved out. Try to encourage your teenager to ask questions about the things that they feel unsure or worried about and be willing to hear and respond to the same fears over and over. Just because you've explained something once doesn't mean your teenager's fear isn't still there, they may need to express how they feel and hear your explanations again and again. It is important for all children to understand that parental separation is not their fault and that both parents will continue to love them.

Continuing support and reassurance will allow your teenager to grieve and eventually adjust to their new circumstances. It will take time for your child to work through and accept the separation, but you should see gradual improvement over time. If you feel things are getting worse rather than better or if you would like to talk to someone in confidence about your concerns then please contact Parents Helpline Freephone on 0808 8010 722 or e-mail info@parentshelpline.org.uk

For further information on the range of services which Parents Advice Centre offers, including parenting courses log onto: www.parentsadvicecentre.org